To update or not to update.....that is the question

So here's the thing. We start out with letters, finely crafted communication. Thoughtful, expressive, flowing freely, in your own hand writing, personal.  Then we  had typewriters, not quite the same when it's not handwritten but well.....okay.  The spelling got a little worse, the prose a little sloppier, but we still communicated in sentences, formed paragraphs, transitioned together to form something fairly cohesive.  Then came email, and spell check, and quick messages 'shot' off to one another.  Quick exchanges, intimacies without the subtleties, without  formalities, convenient and easy to stay connected to both your inner and outer circles. 

Now we've moved on to sites like myspace and facebook.  We don't generally exchange messages.  We blog, we check little boxes to indicate what our mood is at that particular moment.  We even post little smilies to represent that mood whether we feel morose, irritated, ecstatic.   Or we update our status with a few sentences about what we are thinking, observing, feeling.  The most recent is Twitter.....updates in 140 characters or less. "Twitter puts you in control and becomes a modern antidote to information overload."  All this so we can stay "hyper-connected".   And yet I wonder about how meaningful all that hyper-connectivity is.

How in the HELL did she get back in???

My inner voice is a traitorous bitch indeed. Constantly telling me I can do this and that, such potential for greatness but then telling me I'll never reach it. Harping on what I haven't accomplished, never acknowledging what I have.  That I'm good at this or that....but never good enough. Certainly not good enough to be loved by someone else. She says it's not about being thin or what the number is, but that you're fit and healthy and able to do all the things you want, and then turns around and says I won't get anywhere because I'm not slim, not pretty. Why would she want to hurt me, it certainly is no benefit to her.  Some sick and twisted  manipulation.  Masochistic really. 

'It's been awhile.....'

And now that Staind song is in my head...(better then copacabana which has been driving me bonkers all day!)...Aaron Lewis truly has a sexy singing voice.....at least he did when I saw him many.....many.......years ago.

Uhhh.....uhhhh......helloooo.....is this thing on.....maybe it's better if it's not.  Better to get it all out or keep it all in.....how much to share is always a struggle.  You let it all out and leave yourself completely vulnerable.  You keep it all in and you systematically lock yourself away from everyone.  What's the balance between sharing how you feel about a situation with someone and holding those feelings in.  Generally, when you care for someone you avoid inflicting any kind of pain or discomfort if possible.  But since it's uncomfortable to you as well you choose to say nothing out of a sense of self preservation.  Not so altruistic is it.  Personally, I prefer the truth. Even if there's confusion and no real answer, I want to know what the other person is thinking.  And when people are not forthcoming I wonder how far to push.  How patient are you supposed to be when you are effected by uncertainty in a relationship......whatever the relationship....friend, lover, coworker.